President Bush: Congress is my bitch

I woke up late last Thursday... at the crack of eleven. As always, the first thing I did was fish around the blankets for the remote and click on the idiot box. My tv just happened to be tuned to C-Span from the previous night, so what's the first thing I see? President Bush in the Rose Garden holding a press conference. Always a treat. Really. I love watching our Fearless Leader speak. He's a walking contradiction, and for those versed in such disciplines as body language, facial micro expressions and linguistic mannerisms,
the man is both a study and a test. I see a lot of folks on the left casting aspersions on President Bush's intelligence. They often portray him as stupid or ignorant. I find this funny. From my reading, Bush often has vast knowledge of the issues at hand, usually much moreso than the reporters these days that toss him softball questions. He is engaged and uses his folksy image to deflect tough questions, usually endearing himself to his audience and enjoining them to laugh both with him and at him. It's excellent 'strategery' and he is even better at it than his father was. Those who would (and should) be scathingly critical of Bush are simply disarmed and self-rendered impotent for the most part.

In any case, I'm not one of 'those' and I view Bush through the eyes of the afforementioned disciplines, or if you prefer, a 'truthiness' filter. What follows is my personal transcription of Bush's recent Rose Garden press conference through that filter. For refrence, you may view the original transcription here.

"Today, I am officially declaring that I've made the 110th congress my personal bitch. Despite the fact that congress had a clear mandate from the American people to stop this ill-conceived, ill-planned and ill-executed (but extremely profitable to many of my friends and business partners) war, I'm getting my way. I'm getting a no-restrictions, unlimited budget to continue my failed endeavor at the expense of innocent lives. So there! Hah! But it gets better... I've also been able to chop out billions of dollars that the democrats were trying to steer towards their major contributors. We all know what that means don't we? That money can now be steered on it's proper course... towards Haliburton and other big no-bid contractors who support my party! What did you expect? That's the game. It's all about who can get the biggest piece of the taxpayer's pie for their corporate contributors. Sure, most corporations play both sides and pay well for it, but that's just good business sense. What's a few million when the returns are counted in billions? In any case, I won and my guys get the most. That's all that matters.

Beyond that, as well all know, the puppet government which my team has installed in Iraq has gone on vacation. They have ignored the dire warnings and in all likelihood most of them will never return to their country but instead flee somewhere where they can spend their ill-gotten gains. This was expected, and is really all part of my plan, but the important thing I want everyone to remember is - Al-Qaeda is still out there, so be scared, be very very scared. And your word for the week is 'benchmarks'. We're not meeting them, hell, we're not even setting them, but I'll keep saying it. Above all, what we can expect is more American and Iraqi deaths, and of course, a big boost in profits, but that goes without saying eh?


On the home front, specifically the immigration issue. Well, what can I say? I've declared a global war on terrorism but left the borders to this once great nation wide open and nobody has called me on it yet. Over 10% of Mexico's entire population is here and working illegally to exploit our ever decreasing natural resources for corporate greed, despite the fact that Mexico itself is one of the most resource-rich nations on this planet. I've decided to grant amnesty to the millions of illegal aliens here. Yes, I know, the last time we did this it increased the influx of illegals many fold, but I can't ignore the profit margin. The folks that employ illegal aliens ... let's face it, slave labor ... they're making a bundle and the more they make, the more they have to toss to both political parties, and that's why we're working together to make it easy on our corporate sponsors. True bi-partisanship. The so called middle class is done. You'll learn to like it.

And now, I'll take a few softball questions.

Q: Iran! They're going to have nuclear weapons any minute, despite that the CIA has said they're ten years away... what will we do?

A: First, sanctions. We'll starve their kids and make them hate us. Yes, 70% of their country is under 30 years old and they lean western and would probably vote A-ah-whatever-da-jeen out if I stopped rattling my sabre, but really, where's the corporate profit in that? We've got to think of our allies... like the dictatorship in Saudi Arabia, my close personal friends, where would they be if Iran started selling cheap oil? No, that can't happen. We'll sanction them first and when they're good and starved, we'll nuke them.



Q: This doesn't seem to be working, when can we get out of there?

A: Are you kidding? I havn't even gotten the full force IN there. We're never leaving... at least, not in your lifetime. What's a few casulties when my friends are making BILLIONS?


Q: China is screwing us and you're helping it happen, why?

A: My friends are making shitloads of cash at the same time that China makes cash. Don't rock the boat. Besides, as I said before, the middle class is going to be liquidated, get used to it.


Q: You were warned before the Iraq war that it would create more terrorists and make us all less safe, why did you do it?

A: That is true, but you should be scared scared scared scared scared. The terorists terrorists terrorists will get you. They'll kill your kids! Don't forget September 11th, 9/11, you know... if you ask any more questions like that it'll happen again, just like Rudy said.


Q: Even the Iraqi government wants us out of there...

A: Nobody alive now will live long enough to see us leave. There is profit for the corporations and we're going to reap it. But remember, we'll all die if we leave.


Q: Nobody believes you anymore.

A: I'll keep saying it until they do."



---
From there he pretty much ran rough shod over all the questions, except the ones tossing up balls he wanted to hit. Basically, he worked the press like a pinball machine, and through them, the American public. And they call him stupid? Again, I laugh.

Anyway, that's my summary. My first post back, a bit foreshortened, but I need to dig into what our illustrius congress is doing over the holiday.

In the end, Bush did us a favor. He exposed the congress for what they are... paid by the same folks he himself is and working for the same ends. All of it is to the detriment of the American people.

There was a clear message sent in the last election: Stop bush, restore liberties and end the war. Congress got the memo, but they choose to ignore it. Time to ask why and time to demand answers.


There's only one choice in the coming election: Ron Paul.